Where am I today? Today, I am 29 years old. I have graduated from high school and made it out of my hometown. I graduated with two Bachelor of Arts degrees. I have worked part time through undergrad and completed an internship. I moved to Florida by myself in 2003 for an internship and graduate school. I worked nearly full time in graduate school and received a masters degree. I then got my first job in Virginia and built a department from scratch. I became an AmeriCorps and WorldTeach China volunteer and successfully completed both programs. I returned to the organization I worked with before I traveled to China and now fulfill a duplicitous role. I am well traveled having been to 19 countries and 47 states, including most major cities in the United States. I have worked in both the non-profit sector and the public sector. I have nearly 7 years of leadership experience in both. I have lived abroad in China and developed intercultural sensitivity and communication skills. I have come out of the closet.
Where do I want to be tomorrow? I believe that my path looks somewhat like this A) If I stay in my current position, I believe that I can work and possibly be selected as the next Executive Director of the Virginia Conflict Resolution Center. While I enjoy working at the VCRC, I do not have a passion for the subject matter, that is: mediation, conflict resolution services and education. I also do not have a passion for helping at-risk youth, I do not enjoy teaching. I get frustrated here by the A) money that I make, a lousy 27,000 a year and the lack of benefits, including high medical insurance. I also get very frustrated by the Center's ability to be innovative, though I am bringing that vision to the Center. I do enjoy the people and for the most part, I enjoy the tasks I have in front of me. That is, there is a lot of room to create, innovate and be an entrepreneur. At the same time, the area (Hampton Roads) is not my favorite. I have had a hard time feeling like this place could be my home. I just do not want to be here long term. I think it is because the area is so small and void of any culture. It is also a very blue collar and military area and it is hard to be a part of that community. For the most part, the people I work with are smart. I took the position in part because I realized that the current Executive Director would be a good mentor to have and I think that is important. I also know that the flexibility is something I enjoy. However, at the end of the day, I hate being trapped in the office, dealing with all things youth related and getting down to the nitty gritty details of non-profit work (constantly looking for donors, grant writing, collaboration, selling a hard to sell item-our services). I think it is very important to work for organizations that you truly believe in, or at least, be doing work that you truly believe in, even if the organization has problems. BUT, it has to be one or the other, you have to be either passionate about the organization, so much so that you are willing to do whatever it takes for it to succeed (not easy to do?!?!) or passionate about your role, despite the organization.
I also know with me personally that I am a good student. I have accomplished a lot. In high school (cannot believe I am saying this) I really bared down and ending up drastically improving my GPA my senior year. My weakest points were always in math and the physical sciences (chemistry, physics, etc.) Which is ironic because my personality trait (INTJ) is right in line with being a brilliant physical scientist. I also tried my knack at medicine, but found the subject matter dull. Constant memorization and lack of innovation. Why both medicine and physical sciences could have allowed me to satisfy my insatiable curiosity, the reliance on science would (I believe) been a hampering to me. That being said, I do enjoy working with statistics and looking at statistics. However, the actual nitty-gritty of coming up with statistics is daunting to me. I find it boring. So boring.
In undergrad, the best classes I took were the History of Western Civilization, Mass Communication Theories, Mass Communication Speech, Broadcast Seminar: Capitalism and Mass Communication: Anthropology of Sex. The most boring classes I took were math based classes, trade based PR classes, and basically any non-social science sport management class. I look back now and though I have to start believing that I am gifted and that I should be proud that I have my college degree, I also wish I would have majored in something more liberal arts based. At the time, I was so concerned that I would not get a good job without something that was practical. But, I also said at the time that I hated business and that I would never be a lawyer. Now, ironically, my attitude has changed and I have seen the possibilities in both.
Of course, I believe that what is really important is to feel that you are growing as an individual, that your home is indeed your home, that you embrace the fact that life can be difficult and trying but it does not have to be a struggle. I am stressed right now because of my living situation and the fact that I have had to come back to Hampton Roads for the second time in my life to LAUNCH my career. My career has not went as planned, but I made a decision in the past to do some things that would not have prolonged it. I know now that I was not as passionate about higher education administration or sport management than I previously have thought, and I can honestly admit to this day, that I am glad that I do not work in either the recreation, fitness, higher education or sport industry. I detested all of it and the main reason that I did was the feeling of being immobile in my career (always at the same place) and the feeling of not ever really branching out and doing something different. It has taken me a long time to discover who I truly am, and I do believe that I am somewhat of a late bloomer. I hate that term by the way.
In the summer of 2005, I spent a month in Europe. It was my first real trip overseas for a long period of time. Since that time, the travel bug has been contagious. I have always wanted to get under the exterior of the places I travel, but I also realize now that you have to be practical in how you go about it or you end up falling off the deep end in ending up in a place stuck between two worlds: you don't fit in back home and definitely not in your new culture.
I also know from spending time in China, that I would love to go back there and live as well as move abroad again. I have applied to the Peace Corps in the past but turned down offerers to serve as a business development volunteer in Kazakhstan and then the Ukraine, really out of fear. Oh, I WISH I WOULD have went now! But I did not, I think I need to forgive myself for that. I do not want to be a WOULDA COULDA SHOULDA. In fact, my whole life I have been plagued by a fear of striving for what i want: At first, I felt to old to become a professional mountain biker, a college football or basketball athlete. I should have went after it. But I lacked self confidence. The same lack that I have fought everyday of my life. I want so bad to be the envy of the world, but that is the wrong attitude to have. I need to focus on becoming the best person I can be and really just chasing the dreams that I have.
For me though, I have always grown frustrated when forced to take a back seat. I am a natural leader. Meaning, people turn to me without cause and look for me to lead. I guess I exert this presence, because it has happened a lot in my past. I also know that I am a take charge type of a person.
So I know there are no shortcuts. But, if I could pick one position in the world to day. Realistic position, I will not become a professional skater, figure skater, surfer or tennis pro :). Realistically though, I will not go into engineering or medicine. I will not become a doctor or fireman or astronaut. I don't want to.
What am I passionate about: Having an international career. Okay, that is very vague. But we know that we want an international career, and that an international career (the short cut way would be to peace out and go teach TEFL). Well, I do not want to be an English teacher. Thanks but no thanks. It is not challenging to me and I hated being around kids and a SCHOOL like that. Yuck .
So, in order to get an international career, you have to make your experiences count. Now, I personally have a goal. What is it?
TO BECOME A FOREIGN SERVICE OFFICER.
In order to do this, I have to apply to the FSO exam, pass grueling tests and spruce up my resume. Also, I need to become better at speaking foreign languages. Now, to do this, I should go back to school and become a more well educated member. I do want to do this. That much I know. I do want to pursue this. I do want to take the test. i want to study for it and try to make it in to the foreign service.
I also believe that a job with USAID would be remarkable. That would be my second choice to be working for USAID.
Third, I would love to have a great job internationally in China. I would like to be working in business or law, in CHINA. Not necessarily at an NGO, but for a company or an organization or freelancing as a consultant. I do not think I would want to open up my own business yet, though, strike that, I would.
So, all of that sounds interesting to me.
What interests me: International affairs, international law, international business, international development, international communications, international entrepreneurship, social entrepreneurship, international trade. ALL OF IT
So the key is then, finding something that will allow me to pursue a major chunk of that.
What is the REALITY of those situations!
Business- I would need to get an MBA with an Global focus, study abroad and take additional language classes. Studying in China would help me in this endeavor. However, I would also have to try and land a job that I really enjoy and be plugged into a global network.
Law-Get into a law program that will give me a breadth of international experience in the classroom, with internships and externships and with study abroad opportunities.
MPA programs-Probably the hardest one to decipher from. Why? Well, it is simple.
Honestly, I have to listen to my gut. Though I think it is noble to want to work in the world of public policy, I am not sure that be an analyst is everything it is cracked up to be. I mean, I also like the business elements of things much more than I did before. I LOVE CONSULTING PEOPLE. I LOVE GIVING PEOPLE IDEAS AND ADVISING THEM ON WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO MAKE THINGS BETTER.
I also no that before you can be a consultant in anything, you have to be good at something. Really good. i mean people are paying you for your advise, so you have to be credible, honest, punctual and know what the hell you are doing. I really like the idea of conducing research, consulting and being innovative.
So, if I look at a list of careers
What do I want to do with my life? So I guess it depends that you need to break down your life and without being too extreme, just write out what comes naturally too you like you are doing right now. Instead of planning and contemplating. Start acting. But decide, like you have before, what you want out of life and the type of person you want to be remembered as. You do not have to have it all figured out, in fact, you cannot have it all figured out and you NEVER will. Let me repeat that, You will never figure life out. That is why it is life. And decisions and consequences and mistakes are all part of life. You are learning aren't you. But the point is that you are smart and handsome and talented and can create the type of life you want it is not too late. So let's tackle some of your fears. What are they?
I am too old to do this-I think you say this as an excuse, you have always said that, even when you were 14. If you keep saying that you are too old as an excuse, what is that going to bring to you, more of the same and that is more disappointment because you do not end up going after what you want to go after because you feel like you are TOO OLD! That is a way of looking at it as the glass is half empty. Instead, be proud of all the you have accomplished and feel good that you have an education that cannot be taken away, live in a country where it is possible to chase your dreams and are able to seize opportunities again.
I will fail-So what if you do not get what you want out of life? At least you tried, and if you really want something, I believe you will be able to get it. Do you know how many people would love to be in your position: 1) You're white 2) You're educated 3) You're American. Start...you just have to start.
I will have to do work that I do not want to do before I get my dream job. True, but you can still find joy in it, and yes, to get what you want, you have to work. You have to work hard. No one has ever gotten anything worth of value without sacrificing through hard work....BUT you can also work smart, and this is really the key when you come to finances. You have to make your money work for you and you have to do that through investments.
What are the material things that you really want in life? I think you really need to answer this question because I think you do not want to say to yourself that you deserve to have all of those things. True, I think that you think that you do not need to drive a BMW to be thought of as important and you do not BUT wouldn't it be great to afford what you really did want. When it comes to material possessions, the things I care about are simple: purchasing good food, nice clothes, comfortable necessities for domestic life and having a good house. Not a mansion, but just a great place I can call my own! And, eventually, a dog.
So, you do deserve to have all that. But another financial goal you have is that you want to retire when you are 65 and hopefully have enough money to do the things you want to do, and I think by that point WHO KNOWS what that will be. That is why they call it life. you cannot sit here right now and say, hey, at 65 I want to be doing this.
Okay, when you were 26 you almost died, you need to use this to your advantage. Okay, think about this. You need to really start loving yourself and you need to love yourself by telling yourself that you are worth love. You deserve success. You deserve to have nice things. You deserve to eat at nice restaurants. You deserve first class. You deserve 7 star hotels. You deserve to drive a nice car. You deserve to visit nice places. YOU DESERVE SUCCESS but YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO IT. YOU HAVE TO EARN IT and YOU EARN IT THROUGH HARD WORK. Success is doing something that you thought was impossible and feeling fulfilled because it naturally enhances who you are as a person.
So back to the key question. What is your gut telling you? You do not have to think about if you are right or wrong at this point and you do not have to make any decisions right now, but what is your gut telling you.
My gut is telling me that I need to start working out. My gut is telling me that thought it would be cool to be Executive Director of the VCRC that it is really not what I want to do, and honestly, if I really wanted that then wouldn't I just start looking for something else. Listen finding what you are passionate about and following it are the keys to success that is what it is. That is what the world's most successful people say: Trump, Gates, Obama, they would all say that.
So start with these questions:
What type of a person do you want to be remembered as? When my life comes to an end, hopefully when I am a very old man. I want to look back with a sense of fondness and accomplishment. I want to feel that I did everything I could. That I strived and tried and that I succeeded and failed. That through my failures, I learned and I grew and that I cameback and were stronger. That I noticed my faults, that I improved on them. That I maximized my strengths and that I celebrated my successes. That I learned to love myself and that I learned to love others, even with their sins and their faults. That I was a loving brother, son, cousin, friend, father and partner. That I was respected for my work, respected for my courage. That I left an impact, left my mark on this Earth. That I created a piece of work that changed the way people think and the lives they live. That I was known as reliable, dependable and a joy to be around. That my friends could depend on me. That with relationships I kept, I fostered, and relationships that I did not foster, I tried to at least. That I overcame negativity and the influence of people that trespass. That I found spirituality, and conquered the mind. That I lived a life in which I truly did go after what I wanted and that instead of feeling bad about what I was not able to do or mistakes I made, I learned and I grew. I want people to celebrate. I want them to remember my name.
How are you going to mold yourself into being that person? I am going to find more balance in my life. This starts with the self and that starts with my head. I believe that that means that I take the time, each day, to set goals for myself, to be spiritual, to laugh and take care of my head. That I learn to love and appreciate myself as I am and as I grow, for the sake of being me.
That I learn to love others, that I find someone that meshes with me.
That I become a better family person and a friend by being more receptive to the people around me.
That I work hard and go after my dreams. That I am honest. That I operate with integrity. That I am prepared.
Where do you want to go with your life. What do you want out of it? I want to pay off my debt, I want to buy a great home. I want to retire securely. I want to make good money. Money is power. I know that. I think money can do wonderful things for people. It is much better to have money, then to not have money. There is nothing noble in being poor. So if you wanted to know my truth about things. Okay, here it is. I hate martyrs. I am not a martyr. Listen, I do not want to "STRUGGLE" financially my whole life and right now. Honestly, I am not doing as well as I want to be doing financially. But the key is that I do not just want to do something that makes money if it leaves me unfulfilled. Honestly, I do not want to just do somehthing that is boring and pednandtic in order to make money and even more importantly, I do not want to do something that does not allow me to make good money. i think right now that $50,000 is a lot of money. But, in actuality it is not that much at all. In fact, really money starts at $70, $80k a year. I mean, okay, here it is:
FINANCIAL GOAL! To pay off all of my consumer and student debt.
FINANCIAL GOAL! To retire securely with money to do the things I want to do.
FINANCIAL GOAL! To buy a nice home and things to fill the home that I want.
FINANCIAL GOAL! To be able to have savings for emergency situations and disposable income.
FINANCIAL GOAL! To start my own socially oriented business.
FINANCIAL GOAL! To one day make over $100,000 or whatever that amounts to in future terms in terms of market quality and inflation.
Career Goal: To start my own socially oriented business.
Career Goal: To apply to and make the Foreign Service as an officer.
Career Goal: To attend graduate school in either law, business or public administration with an international focus.
Career Goal: To work for an organization that I truly believe in on an international level.
Career Goal: To have a great paying job overseas.
Okay so what are you passionate about in terms of the type of work that you like to do. Well, I need to find new information, seek out new challenges, be challenged, feeling like there is a ton to investigate, meet new people, travel, go to different places.
That is why I should not just work in public administration, because it will mean I am in a sedentary job.
How are you going to mold yourself into that person.
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