Why didnt I realize I was at-risk?

These glaring mistakes. He ruined me. For a short time He ruined me. I did what I had to do, I used sports to raise me out of mobile home beginnings. I used it and rided it all the way to the Sunshine state. I was never going to be pro. If I would have worked my ass off, I probably could have went small Division I in basketball. But, I gave up on myself. Just like I gave up after winning the school spelling bee. Why didn't I compete?

Why didn't I let the world see the real me? This real person? This real man? Why didn't I shed this insight into other people? Why am I so guarded?

I gave up on the spelling bee...then I gave up on basketball. Then, I guess I found myself again...at UF and I was successful.

Found this online: Am I at-risk?

1. Has the teen ever been suspended, expelled, been truant, or had their grades drop? Truant, yes. In 10th grade, I was truant to first period 10 times. I had to clean the school cafeteria and scrape gum off desks to make up for it.

2. Is the teen verbally abusive? Yes, to my parents. To the principal once, when he did not let me take the ASVAB.

3. Does the teen struggle with basic family rules and expectations? Ugh, I never had any.

4. Does the parent have difficulty getting the teen to do basic household chores and homework? Sure, I never did any.

5. Has the teen had problems with the law? Not in high school. I got pulled over like 4 times. Once for running a stop sign (got a $72 ticket and went to traffic school), then for speeding/no ticket.

6. Does the parent have to pick their words carefully when speaking to the teen, so as not to elicit a verbal attack or even rage from them? Who knows

7. Is the teen in danger of dropping out of high school? No

8. Does the teen associate with a suspect peer group? In 10th grade I did.

9. Has the teen lost interest in former productive activities, sports, hobbies, or childhood friends? In 10th grade I did.

10. Has the teen ever displayed any evidence of suicide? No, though I thought about it the summer before 9th grade. I was 14.

11. Does the teen seem depressed / withdrawn? Yes.

12. Does the teen ever display violent behavior? Yes.

13. Is the teen sexually promiscuous? No.

14. Has the teen’s appearance or personal hygiene changed? Uh, hard to say.

15. Is the teen deceitful and manipulative? No.

16. Has the teen been caught stealing money or personal items from their family? Yes.

17. Is the teen severely lacking in motivation? In 10th grade.

18. Does the teen sometimes lie regarding their activities? No.

19. Does the teen display outbursts of temper? Yes.

20. Does the teen lack self-worth and self-esteem? Yes.

21. Does the teen defy established rules regardless of the consequences? Yes, sometimes.

22. When trying to deal with the teen, do the parents feel powerless? Shit, they never cared.

23. Does the teen have a problem with authority? He does now.

24. Do the parents suspect the teen is experimenting with drugs or alcohol? Yes.

I was at risk!